Theme Keywords: Identity Repair, Boundary Reconstruction, Affectionate Awakening
4.1｜What you have always longed for is love, but you are trapped in the illusion of being needed
Why is it so easy for you to fall into manipulative relationships?
- Because you have always been trying to "become the indispensable person in the other person's life"
- You want to be useful to him and he can't lose me, so that you feel valuable.
- You shoulder his emotions, repair the relationship, take care of his wounds, and even change yourself, in exchange for a sentence: "Only you can understand me"
You put your own value,It depends on whether he needs me.
But you didn’t find:
You are not in love with him, but youFall in love with the feeling of "finally being needed".
4.2｜This is not love, this is you continuing the "role positioning of your original family"
Many affectionate people often have:
- "A Sensible Child"
- “Neutralizer of parents’ emotions”
- "The little adult who sacrificed himself"
- The one who “does not cause trouble or create conflict”
So it’s easy to form this belief:
"As long as I am good, as long as I am useful, as long as I do good for others, I am worthy of being kept."
So you are emotionally:
- Put the other person’s emotions first
- Over-understanding, over-consideration, over-empathy
- Obviously in pain, but said: "It's okay, I can bear it"
It's not that you love the wrong person.
RatherYou haven't learned: I don't need to be needed to be loved.
4.3｜You are not a "savior", you are a person who deserves to be loved equally
You are not:
- Emotional Tools
- Psychological scaffolding
- Energy supply station
- Relationship Repairer
- “The only person who could understand him”
Who are you:
A complete person, someone who can have intimacy without sacrifice.
You are not the "chosen one".
You are the one who "chooses yourself".
4.4｜Boundary Sense Training: You Don’t Need “Patient” to Maintain Love
A person with emotional sovereignty will say in an intimate relationship:
- "I understand your feelings, but I am not responsible"
- "I care about you, but I won't tolerate hurt anymore"
- "I will love you, but that doesn't mean I have to suppress myself"
- "I refuse to continue saving someone who doesn't want to grow up himself"
Remember this core belief:
Boundaries are not indifference, boundaries are the order of love.
4.5｜Exercise: Emotional Identity Awareness Cards (Write down your old label & new identity)
| I used to think I was: | Now I know that I am: |
|---|---|
| Someone who can comfort him | People who need to be respected |
| His only emotional haven | Your emotions are worth taking care of too |
| Only those who are willing to sacrifice are valuable | You deserve to be loved without sacrifice |
| Only those who are patient will not be left | Telling your needs will not lose love |
| Only when he needs you can you feel a sense of belonging | You can belong without being used |
(After writing this card, read it once a day to implant the new identity into your mind)
4.6｜Awakening Sentences·Written for Your True Self
"I no longer take 'being needed' as proof of love,
I deserve someone who doesn't consume me, use me, or exploit me.
Just want to be close to me.
I am willing to let go of the me who desperately wants to be liked.
Change to a life where you can love yourself with peace of mind. "
4.7｜Today's Action Exercise: Boundary Exercise
Please write down 3 things you have experiencedThe boundaries that dare not be spoken out(For example: I am tired and don’t want to listen to your emotions / If you don’t respect me, I will leave / I am sad too, but you never ask me)
Then write the upgraded version:
- "I respect your emotions, but I won't suppress mine anymore"
- "I can be considerate of you, but that doesn't mean I have to cooperate with you"
- "I love you, but I love myself more whole and sane"
—
You are no longer the person who always relies on being needed to prove your existence.
You are becoming -Adults with self-sovereignty, awareness, and new boundaries.
