No longer feeding deep affection, but establishing a two-way balanced real intimacy**
Topic Keywords: Two-way relationships · Emotional balance · Healthy connections
5.1｜You once thought that "affection equals love", but in fact it is just "one-way devotion"
You think that as long as:
- Be more tolerant, he will understand you
- Sacrifice a little more and he will cherish you
- If he argues less, he will be more stable.
You think love is exchanged for "patience, compromise, and salvation."
But now you understand:
You are not a person who lacks love, you just understand "love" as "sacrificing yourself to maintain a relationship."
5.2｜True love must be “If you come, I am willing to get close to you”
Four criteria for a healthy relationship:
- Actively approach: It’s not that you keep chasing after the other person and asking “what’s wrong with you”, but that both parties are willing to get close, express, and communicate.
- Shared Emotions: You don’t have to bear all the sadness alone, but the other person will also take care of your emotions.
- Security Boundary: It doesn’t mean you accept without limits, but you can refuse and say “no” in a relationship without being punished.
- Act in Concert：It's not just that he speaks nicely;Does he "continue to respond to you" with actual behavior?
A simple summary:
Love is not a one-way investment, but a two-way response.
5.3｜What you need is not "deeper love" but "the right person"
You always think: "I need to learn to love more, then the relationship will get better."
But in fact:
- No matter how deep the love is, if it is given to the wrong person, it will only be drained away.
- No matter how soft-hearted you are, you will only be crushed by the person who controls you.
- No matter how hard you try, if the other person never wants to love you well, you are just moving yourself in vain.
You don't deserve intimacy.You've just never been "loved equally".
5.4｜How to start practicing healthy intimacy patterns?
1. Let go of the old belief that “affection equals value”
You are not "more worthy the more you are loved", you are "born to be worthy of being treated equally".
Practice saying to yourself every day:
- “I don’t rely on giving to gain a sense of existence”
- "I can be loved deeply, but I will not be asked for"
- “My emotions deserve to be taken care of”
2. Rebuilding the intimacy model: three real relationship forces
| Real Intimacy | Old relationship model |
|---|---|
| I am willing to express my needs | I can't bother others. |
| I also want to be responded to | I just care whether the other person is good or not |
| I allow the relationship to take its time | I have to invest quickly to get a sense of security |
(III) Intimate Interaction Boundary Practice Sentences
- "I care about you, but I also need to be cared about"
- “I am willing to accompany, but I don’t want to be consumed”
- "I hope we can communicate well instead of me always compromising"
- "If you say you love me, I will watch what you do, not just listen to what you say"
Practicing “speaking human language” is also a skill of love.
5.5｜Awakening Sentences·Written to you who have regained the ability to love
"I no longer waste my affection on those who don't respond.
I no longer sacrifice myself for so-called relationships.
I am willing to love slowly and walk slowly.
Only build clear, tender, and authentic intimacy with people who allow me to be myself.”
5.6｜Today’s practice task: Create a “Vision Map for Intimate Relationships”
Please answer the following questions in your own notebook:
- What kind of conversation do you want in a relationship?
- How do you want to express yourself in this relationship?
- What are you willing to give? How do you want to be responded to?
- What old patterns will you never allow to appear again? (For example: ignoring emotions, giving them the cold shoulder, digging up the past, depriving them of expression)
→ Write this down as a “psychological contract” for your future relationships, keep it, and review it over and over again.
Next we will enter the final chapter of the course:
Module 6｜Only after freedom can there be true love: Ending illusions and moving towards a sovereign life
